#gods know they both fuckin need it
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Spoiler, he may have given them more than a few minutes uwu
Who knows how long Cam passed out for, but I mean... Even Saren knows the importance of a good rest.
But also, how could he resist? Always gotta love how adorable your muscle idiot looks when cuddled to your side💙
#gods I love the outfit I made for him so much#i just love letting them be soft ok#gods know they both fuckin need it#i love soft things for them just like I love soft things for Metalworks#give me all the soft things for my Revived Morally Grey old men and their partners that beat the shit out of them at one point#i wanna see more of them being cute while I work on the angst yeehaw#oc#ME: Everyone But You#mass effect#mass effect trilogy#mass effect oc#mass effect shepard#shepard#commander shepard#mass effect commander shepard#saren#saren arterius#mass effect saren#saren x shepard#saren arterius x commander shepard#sheterius#lovelywingsocs#lovelywingsart
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note that i will only ever call mithrun "stupid" jokingly. by "stupid", i only mean "frustrating behavior that i am immensely familar with". seeing him do something that makes me groan aloud, closing my eyes, sighing "stupid (affectionate, mournful)". like when he fucking... his dumbass "i don't want to [use the bathroom] right now, so it's fine." oughh. i know you! i know you! that's not how that works!!! and he's smart!!! he's so smart... but god, god... he's kind of an absent professor. he's kind of a cloudcuckoolander. i love him dearly. he gets called a dummy, a little idiot, and i flick his forehead, a little bonk of hard-heads, like "try again, idiot. that's not how bodies work." and "ooh, 'that's not going to work'. yes it is. shut up, stoopid. stubborn little man, my god." rolling my eyes forever.
#mithrun#i'm not devaluing his intelligence#i feel like both can be true - that someone can be really smart but also take really stupid actions conversely#i fucking KNOW i do all the time#and i don't think there's anything particularly wrong with the word#it's not that his intelligence is compromised in any sense or that i think he's incapable#and it is solely#the fact that he is a stubborn little guy who doesn't listen and just goes 'that won't work' / 'i don't want to' / etc.#like... BUDDY...#buddy BOY#dummy#you are NOT a good judge of this ok?#zip ya lip little man#i know what you are#and i ain't fuckin listening to ya!#god. 'that won't work'. blah blah blah. okay sleepy. see you next panel.#fuckin knew that was going to happen#'i'm not tired' (his body stops working and he doesn't know why)#oh. OH. you're NOT? buddy i KNOW what happened ok? you need some fuckin rest#like - i'm gonna kick your legs out from under you + you're going to fall gently into bed + i tuck you in and smooch you#but i also fucking complain because OF COURSE YOU'RE TIRED ! you bastard ! go sleepy bye#it's his poor decisions and i know why he does them - because he doesn't know - but by god#it's also a little like please... listen to yourself...#on the one hand he doesn't know and never will#on the other hand ... you have been awake for hours and hours without sleep... please get some rest...#but yeah as someone who forgets needs and has little sense of that it is like... objectively a stupid experience#and i don't say that with judgement in my heart but it feels REALLY stupid when your body does something and you don't know why#it's not the disability though that makes me say as much - it is fully the fact that he is SO STUBBORN! SO STUBBORN!!!!#you say you're not tired and fall down? hm? then maybe you are? i know you don't know but whatever. let's get you to bed boy. ok?#caring for him + shaking my head like i get it so much but you gotta sleep! 'this won't work'. ok liar... i already know it will.
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my absolute fave thing to read in punkflower fics is lovesick puppy hobie brown
cool-as-a-cucumber hobie overthinking miles' every move, leaving lingering touches on him, longing glances thrown his way
certified BAMF hobie hanging by a doorway or window just a second too long before leaving miles
"skinny-hot" hobie refusing to believe someone as ✨️cool✨️ as miles would be into someone like him
badass punk hobie just yearning and pining and practically draping himself all over miles in desperate attempts but then pulling back all scared when anyone even hints that they should get together
god, i need pining lovesick loser hobie like AIR rn 😭
#mine#punkflower#spiderverse#can yall tell i am Not Normal rn#COOL HOT BADASS FUNNY HOBIE JUST!! *clenches fist* JUST!!! just fuckin swooning#like a victorian lady whenever miles does Anything#i mean do yall SEE the way he pays attention to and looks at miles in the movie?#i am unwell. i will never be able to emotionally recover from this#just... god. i love it#hobie brown spider punk just trailing after miles#joking with him and wrapping him up in all of the clothes he can manage to bring#practically screaming silently for miles' attention at every moment#showing off a lil bit when theyre swinging#dont get me wrong hobie is a very very cool guy. when miles isnt there#miles: shows up#hobie: immediately turns into the worlds biggest clumsiest clown to ever exist#miles: smiles#hobie: crashes into 2 walls a telephone pole and falls over a fence#bonus points if miles literally has zero clue the entire time#bc like obviously miles KNOWS hobie is ridiculously hot. this is canon#but SURELY someone like hobie has nooooo interest in him whatsoEVER right guys? …right? ahaha#IDIOTS the both of them#idiots in love#this is a trope i will never tire of ever#also the skinny-hot comment is a reference to the official atsv script#LOOK IT UP IF YOU HAVENT ALREADY#it is filled to brim with homosexuality and plenty of funny ass lines of miles being jealous#but miles my boy. my baby boy#look at me#you need not be jealous of hobie. YOURE the one in the middle of the love triangle NOT GWEN
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IM GOING TO TALK ABOUT ALHAITHAM AND KAVEH AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!
i love this fuckin argument kaveh and alhaitham have on the port ormos bulletin board
it's one of those instances where kaveh and alhaitham are arguing and alhaitham is saying that like, while he disagrees with kaveh lol, he also doesnt deny theres truth to what kaveh says.
but i also think it's funny how alhaitham is like "end of conversation. ALSO-" like bitch you kept going IMMEDIATELY fkjsjfklds and then that stupid bit where theyre like "he said this" "he did not fucking say that" "he did" "no he didnt fuck you" "he did give me a month ill prove it!!!!" THEYRE FIGHTING LIKE CHILDREN ON A PUBLIC MESSAGE BOARD😭😭😭
also i have this one bit stuck forever in my mind from kavehs hang out
[video source i screenshot from]
MAYBE im reading into it way too much bc i have terminal haikaveh brain. maybe. BUT!!!! art is subjective i can do what i want :^) anyway i think a lot about this part because TO ME it sounds like kaveh keeps assuming the worst from alhaitham - makes sense, they argue all the time and they def have a turbulent relationship. HOWEVER!!!!! while alhaitham does like poking fun at kaveh and gets annoyed with him dskjfdsklf i FEEL LIKE theres an implication that he like, does not enjoy seeing kaveh suffer the way kaveh just assumes he does.
like here, kaveh is like oh, youre not hoping to see me make a fool of myself are you >:(?? just bc alhaitham was like. in a location unexpectedly. lol. and then alhaithams phrasing is just so specific where he like, doesnt say yes but doesnt say no either lol. hes like "oh so you think i get joy from seeing you in pain day in and day out? well if that were true id be entertained always because youre always in distress"
but like. I DUNNO MAYBE IM BEING STUPID BUT JKSDLFJDKL to ME it felt like he was deflecting the question. to be fair it was a silly question so maybe alhaitham didnt think it worth answering lololol but like "are you here to watch me struggle" "why do you assume i enjoy you struggling" is the vibe i get. but then with bullying also bc alhaitham is still poking at him and his distresses lol jdkslfdskl
and then like the moment the traveler is about to be like "kavehs feeling sad" and kaveh tries to deflect it, i personally think alhaitham managed to come up with a distraction to get kaveh to walk away for a minute so he could hear about kavehs troubles bc hes IMMEDIATELY LIKE
ok now that hes gone tell me about kaveh and his issues. and then goes on to explain kaveh and his behavior
and there are SEVERAL INSTANCES i mean this is an obvious thing lol but like, many such cases where kaveh and alhaitham will be like "yeah this guy is incredibly smart but his personality is fucking unbearable" i just enjoy that as much as they rag on each other theyre still like "no he is a genius though im not gonna deny that" AND ALSO [help]
alhaitham says stuff like this a few times, i think hes got a teapot line or so where he says similar things 🤔 but hes like "yeah people go about their lives doing different things and thats fine everyone should stay in their lane as long as theyre not disrupting the lives of others" AND YET!!!!!!!!!!!! he and kaveh endlessly fight with each other on how they go about their lives. trying to get the other to see their way of thinking even though i think they both acknowledge [or it says somewhere in the lore that they do] that it is a losing battle bc theyre both really set in how they see things and their methods of doing things. I JUST FIND IT REALLY INTERESTING that alhaitham is like, "mind your business and ill mind my business what ever bye" but when it comes to kaveh hes like. no actually i have to debate you. the way you feel isnt wrong however your actions make your life really hard for yourself and you could be living better if you changed" like he cannot stay in his lane when kaveh is involved!!!!! and like the whole reason he's even IN the parade of providence event at all was bc he was pursuing a thread of research that he figured out was connected to kavehs dad and his disappearance!!! mister "i dont want to get involved if it doesnt disrupt my life" got involved to give his boy some closure on the haunting of his dead father!!!!!!!!!! I am going to explode now goodbye!!!!
#SORRY i post extremely long rambles about haikaveh when i KNOW most people that follow me do NOT give a shit about genshin#i like like. maybe 5 people do#and also a lot of the stuff i say will in fact be repeated things#and like. stuff that is old news LOL me when i discover air or whatever idk leave me be#i need to process my feelings via word vomiting thats what tumblr is FOR!!!!!#if i cant directly dm spam one or two people about Character then i have to do it on tumblr#and make it everyone else's problem#fuckin. god. when alhaitham was released i only summoned for him on a whim#bc my FRIEND was like wow i really want this new guy#and i was like ooo looks fun ill try too#and hes like one of my best dps units actually lol hes SO strong#and im fucking obsessed with him and kaveh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im glad i pulled for them both and got them when they first released!!!#i think i only got kaveh too bc i had really wanted baizhu#who is a fuckin great healer btw. theyre my dendro trio teehee#IM IN THIS GENSHIN VORTEX ALONE bc everyone else i know that plays is on a break or doesnt care or w/e#so im like ok fine. ill just descend into madness about characters BY MYSELF!!!!!!#and by that i mean i will post on tumblr dot com talking to my self#which is what i used to do anyway. ive returned to my roots my default state of habits#holding haikaveh so firmly in my hands YOU DONT UNDERSTAAAAAAAAAAAAAND#actually it's one of the most popular ships in the game so. im sure many people understand. probs understand better than i do tbh#however? im on an island.
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seeing some of y'all talking about/have talked to some of y'all who have said to me how y'all feel like the dub forced (western especially) masculinity into Yuri, and
yeah.
I left that out of the actual posts themselves because it felt too opinionated for the actual posts (even though you know it's my blog I can do what I want, but I don't want people discrediting me over shit like that), but yeah.
it feels a lot to me like they wanted Yuri to be some cool masculine edgy dude instead of a silly, playful, dorky, emotional, caring man. as if his silliness and emotional side is something to shy away from and isn't "cool enough" for a main character.
it's sad to me because he's such a different person between versions - enough that if I'm interacting with someone who only knows dub Yuri, it genuinely just doesn't feel like we're even talking about the same character sometimes. I want to be talking about the same character, but since some people only know the dub, they only know what the dub made him out to be.
I've seen a variety of things - art, writing, memes, whatever - where there are times I'm genuinely able to be like... that's such a dub Yuri specific thing. like, the way he gets portrayed is something I'm able to look at and be like "that's literally something only dub Yuri would say/do". it's not the fault of people who don't know the original context, but that's why it frustrates me so much - because that's all some people can know contextually (listening to the audio alone gives you a pretty clear indication of how much tone isn't the same between versions, but obviously some people will still be missing context), and the dub changed the experience (and went out of its way to do so) completely for those people. again - not the fault of the people who played the game. it's the fault of the people who were in charge of context/tone and took advantage of that and changed things and made him literally behave differently (because there's... take what's in front of you and translate that, and then there's going out of your way to change what's right there so the context/behavior is no longer the same).
it especially shows to me in interactions with Flynn between the western and JP fandom. the way Yuri behaves interacting with him in fan created media is sometimes vastly different from my experience between both fandoms. again, it's not people's faults who don't know Yuri's original personality, but it is the dub's fault for portraying him that way.
for me it's heartbreaking to see how dub Yuri treats Flynn and how the dub itself narratively treats Flynn. I love the relationship they have in JP and I love them both as characters in JP. like I've said, sometimes I want to punch dub Yuri for the shit he says and the way he behaves. I've never felt that way about Yuri in his original context. I've felt worse for dub Flynn than JP Flynn because I feel like JP Flynn is better cared for by the narrative/characters, but god, poor dub Flynn??? jesus.
the thing is, this comes from a place of strong love for Yuri (and Flynn!) so I hate that they changed things. I always stand by media in its original, purest form, no matter where in the world that media came from. localization absolutely should fix things caused by language barriers and tweak oddly sounding things - sometimes there's no choice! but it's not there to create a newly existing piece of media. it's not there to create a new character plastered on the face of an existing character or to fulfill the loc team's opinion of what that character should be.
it can be difficult - usually impossible - for me to be experiencing JP exclusive content and trying to imagine dub Yuri in those situations (think like, the drama CDs or Rays' content). I know I'm not the only person who feels this way and is extremely bothered by it.
obviously I'm not the be all end all - I'm one person with feelings and opinions, but I just feel very strongly about this kind of thing and I want to share how wonderful of a character Yuri is in his original form. a lot of the clips I posted I posted because I love his silly or caring attitude. I could blab to you about him forever. so, I hope more people will give this man a chance and experience him the way I know him.
#GTF Vesperia Localization Woes#like... I don't want the loc team's biases in my fuckin' games. I want the game the way it was created by the original creator(s)#localization doesn't exist to completely alter things you personally want altered#and again I don't know what went on in that loc room but there's /no/ way those changes were accidents. not a chance.#you don't change THAT much context and personality and go oh haha we made a few tl errors#like no I /know/ where the actual tl errors were lol Yuri was a /choice/ and I /hate/ that#and like again... this isn't just a Tales locs suck thing either. I went through Graces in both Eng/JP#and while I admit my memory is a bit fuzzy on the dub bc it's been a long while now#(I prefer it in JP but that's not related to the loc itself)#I don't recall any insanely vast differences between the two versions or any active censorship between Richard and Asbel#they changed like... Cheria's favorite food from I think like yakisoba to chicken bc that's a cultural thing#not smth I personally would've felt needed changing but I /get/ it#but my point is that that loc team did - from my memory - a great job of keeping things to the point and not changing characters#and honestly? as a Richard fan? thank fucking god for that I couldn't handle another Yuri incident LMAO
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i could draw anything but i decided to draw this. carlo and rocco in 1932 aka my headache
#^ this isnt real ofc but its what happening inside their heads (well in carlo's at least)#mfs when their old friend doesn't break under manipulation#“Lift up the receiver I'll make you a believer” punching the wall with fist#rocco was the underboss not eddie can u hear me!!!!!!!!!!! HELLO!!!!!!!!! (capo henry situation in terms of complexity)#no m2 did smth to my brain and now im incapable of writing normal relationship between people#anyway. things that makes sense only to me rn unfortunately:#“AND YET ALAS I WELCOME YOU KNOWING ABOUT YOU” its carlo @ rocco but works both ways i think. RAHHHHHHHHH#YET YOU THINK WE'RE THE SAME RAHHHHHHHHH#youre not who u are to anyone these days im not who i am to anyone no not me at all these days not at all RAHHHHHHHHH#carlo who was afraid of rocco (for a reason) when he started to run the family rahhhhhhhhh#“That son of a bitch!.. I fuckin’ knew it!” <-watch me put a lot more meaning into a phrase that shouldn't make so much sense#2kczech need to pay me for developing rocco's character btw if u even care . and for writing this fucking falcone family backstory#“Холодный и острый осколок гранита; Смерть Голиафа в руке Давида”#<- “A cold and sharp shard of granite; Goliath's death in David's hand”#i've listened to this song too much it became certifed rocco song to me#let's say rocco helped carlo a lot w preparing moretti family for a new don. just bc i don't think it was this simple#“your capo killed your don lets all pretend that its cool and normal and it doesn't matter that he ran the family for 23 years😋😘”#avart#m2#i wont tag this w fandom tags dear god this shit is so delusional#dear god rocco been a gap and a blank spot in this story for so long but now i genuinely like him#tho i'm still not done with his character yet but there's enough for me to like him#sorry. not normal bout them. not at all .#rocco & carlo
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Subaru
#baby boy. he is me. i am him#natsuki subaru fanart#natsuki subaru#subaru natsuki#i just need you to know he really is me okay#im talking to the void obviously#he is me. we both prophesy from terrible experiences#the extent of which is truly impossible to communicate to anybody#we both deeply love so many women all of whom think about consequences more than we do#thank god we dont exist in the same universe we'd fuckin hate eachother#i definitely don't have a deadly sin and it definitely wouldnt be pride#anyway i coild probably kick his ass#love him sm
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i mean i should probably stop saying shit just to be mean
#on the other hand....#the social environment cultivated on here almost demands it lest i let people walk all over me#definitely one of those skills i picked up in childhood to survive social situations back then#not a great skill. not even one i particularly like using. in fact i hate this part of me that feels the need to be judgemental#the logical part of me- the more ~~evolved~~ part of my spirit you could say knows its stupid and has hated doing it since forever#i completely stopped for a while. and then my abusive ex did all the shit they did so i felt like i had to dig that judgemental asshole sid#back up to defend myself bc ik thats the level they operate on. but it also started being the level a lot of ppl on here operated on soon#after (and im not entirely unconvinced they weren't an influence as to why people became more of an asshole on here)#(them or twitter. probably a mix of both but mostly twitter users coming here lol. also had to be an ass on twitter to survive)#so now i feel like i have to cling on to this side of myself i was more than happy to let rot in the dirt bc if i dont then people are gonn#use my vulnerability and niceness and lack of desire to use ad hom n shit against me so they can bully and abuse me and say whatever#and i have to keep this image up of being unphased and happy all the time and then i snap and then its a whole problem to people#so basically be nothing ever bc ppl on here will think thats you forever moral of story i guess im not sure.#best advice i can give: dont exist online publicly in any significant way. if you wanna be a pfpless. bioless account that is your god give#fuckin right okay. never are you obligated to be part of this shit and im personally telling you its hell and if i knew then what i knew#now i would have never started coming on to tumblr in the first place. its cool i learned about all this queer stuff or whatever but it#sucks otherwise#tumblr. twitter. insta. any social media where the point is to make posts and write posts more than anything else#dont bother. so much is lost in text-style communication. bridging gaps is nearly impossible. you will always be misunderstood#i think thats the case for most vocal communication but ESPECIALLY digitally
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hey guys
#vent#just... gimmie a sec im gonna put it in the tags i cant find the readmore on my phone rn#im havin a straight up not good time but not the worst in the house!#the worst is my cat. whose old and dying. and i have no money to put to sleep to fuckin put us both outta this misery#typical. she cant get a heart attack and go fast like my moms dog#shes gotta wail and be ill for a month while im recovering from one surgery and trying to get ready for the next#its also an amazing time for my ocd that i learned i have from artists on hear explaining what it is to send me into spirals#over germs. but shes just 20 with teeth and respiratory issues her whole life and been struggling with constipation#so i KNOW how shes dying. shes backed up and hungry and dehydrated but feeling bloated still and not eating or drinking.#shes probably got arthritis and has been moving like a geriatric for a while but its to the point now she wont even lay down. shes just#perched on a pile of towels in the bathroom dozing and occasionally crying for me to come pet her. im so fuckin tired#and theres nothing i can do! the vet i could find a timeslot for in a reasonable time said 500$. so thats cool. im paying 1000$ for me in#a week for my stuff and its just. god all she and i are doing is crying and it sucks ass#she wants company for comfort and i dont blame her - so the fuck do i!#but i cant sit in the bathroom with her my damn legs keep going numb. and my roomate 1) cant emotionally buoy me thru this#and 2) has a long work day tomorrow and its already mad late. sigh#dont try to offer me condolences ive worked thru her dying already its just now we're botb exhausted in the form its taking#if anything i just need another distraction to keep me from spiraling over something again#edit: ARUGH AND THE OTHER CAT THROWING UP IN THE OTHER ROOM. GOD DAMN IT#the younger one has so many allergies and wont stop fucking eating things off the floor babygirl i am BEDRIDDEN you gotta stop eating shit#off the floor!!!!!!!! you have specialty food for a reason!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#awesome it was right in my bed
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i dont want to give in to Modern Shapewear but i really hate when im trying to have a Fun Outfit and theres fucking Distinct Lines from various under wear bands (bra, undies, maybe a pair of tights?) all at separate points? that are impossible to hide bc the outer wear is fucking form fitting spandex
#toy txt post#if it were easier to make bespoke structured underclothing to create a smoother silhouette. god. i would. but thats so much more investment#in time and money and materials and hours to probably fuck it up at least the first coupke times vs just buying a fucking tummy control#camisole or some shit. but i cannot fucking stand the marketing around it. i dont want to put money to that. im not trying to Look Thinner#im trying to achieve a specific smoother silhouette w my clothing to look like a little clown and vintage silhouettes#rely so often on structured underclothing that the closest analogue to today is: fucking shapewear! unless i go out and get an actual#corset. but those tend to be more expensive. and im not aiming necessarily for the classic corset look i feel like a lot of the ones for#sale offer which seems to be very......booby. but the flatter more smoothing silhouette that was consistent between both menswear#and womenswear. the lengths it takes to be a nonbinary fucking clown. sighs deeply#also thinking again about the stupid fucking gold harley quinn jumpsuit i got like the movie that i Want to like and it Isnt Bad#but the material of the one in the movie is much thicker so its doesnt BEHAVE the same way as fucking form fitting spandex. and i know why#they did spandex. cos like. easier to sell cheaper to make fits a wider range etc. but i just want a fucking piece like that as an Actual#Garment of Clothing not a fucking spandex Halloween costume and couldnt find anything like it for less than $500. which is honestly#probably a reasonable price for labor and materials but not one i can justify? its just frustrating cos its So Close to good but the fuckin#Material just Ruins it for me and not even necessarily cos of like lack of shapewear lumpiness but like the way it drapes on the body the#way it stretches as spandex just looks Wrong. aaaaaaagaghgghghghggh#rage. anger. etc. need to learn how to sew my own shit at least a little. maybe a full length binder like 1 size up for comfort? scary#for context i also struggle with breathing from the lightest amount of Too Much Chest Compression. like sometimes bras will Get Me#so thats the other factor here. i dont know that this is necessarily looking for advice mostly im whining and complaining while doing#Nothing. ugh#also how much of this issue could be avoided if the form fitting spandex stuff had like. a lining. idk
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I hate it when I accidentally hit submit on the course eval for one of the classes I was most looking forward to critiquing for improvement when I had barely written anything 🙃
#SHE NEEDED TO KNOW THAT THE LAST ASSIGNMENT SHOULD BE EITHER THE VIDEO ESSAY OR THE ESSAY PROPER NOT BOTH IT'S TOO MUCH FUCKING SHIT TO DO#I NEED HER TO KNOW NOT HAVING SET DATES FOR ASSIGNMENTS AND A REGULAR FLOW KINDA FUCKING SUCKED#BUT NO. JUST BULLSHITTING FROM ME#GOD DAMNIT ALL TO HELL#it's been a long day and my group has literally written the worst AV script for this thing in all of christendom that I NOW HAVE TO EDIT#because I cannot fucking stand how badly written it is I literally can't. I've had to deal with that shit too often lately#please god give me a break.#at least my production professor seems to have really REALLY liked my doc as it was when I turned it in last week and liked meeting my dad#the other day. and gave me books on victorian photography#at least. she like me. at least. we vibe.#miyazaki prof needed to be taken down a peg though and I AM SO MAD THAT I MISSED THE OPPORTUNITY TO DO THAT BC THEY MADE THE SUBMIT BUTTON#LOOK LIKE THE NEXT BUTTON AND GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR#anyway gonna go see the boy and the heron tomorrow night by my fuckin self as a consolation prize for this stupid fucking week and having t#deal with the most stupid shit imaginable.#can't wait. gonna go out and have a proper meal by myself and everything.
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oh so 1x22 really is exactly calculated to make me specifically go fucking feral huh
#im sorry i. jxkdkahyeiwiwkskshdhdjsj#i keep phrasing the start of a coherent post in my head and then getting sidetracked by absolutely fjcking losinf it over something else#jesus. jesus h christ on a motorized bicycle on main street. i was SPOILED for this i KNEW what had to happen and im still gojng BONKERS#what the FUCK#i need to watch like the last 20 minutes of this again right now what the fuuuucl#no actually what i need to do is go outsidr and run some fuckin laps or something but it is the middle of the night. woooargh#ugh. dean. crying wailing#the fact that. sam doesnt notice. he doesnt see anything wrong with john reassuring dean and telling him hes important. because he believes#what demon-john is saying is true.#but DEAN. knows damn well what his father thinks of him.#and then the demon confirms it. they don't need you like you need them. (dean in the motel breathes through sam shoving him up against the#wall says some days i feel like i can barely keep it together - you me dad it's all i've got - )#DEAN ONCE AGAIN THROWING HIMSELF BETWEEN JOHN AND SAM. POSSESSED JOHN OR NORMAL JOHN DEAN KNOWS HOW THIS GOES .#okay if i were to change one (1) thing about this episode i would have the demon pin dean to the ceiling when he nearly kills him. REALLY#lean into the dean mary parallels of it all#GOD. so we agree that sam held off from shooting the second time not because dean going sam no appealed to sam's conscience or anything like#that#sam knew damn well he and john agreed on one thing and that's they'd both die to kill this thing#but sam couldn't do that to dean. because dean's only got the two of them and losing either of them would destroy him#(no. says sam. glances into the rearview mirror at dean blood on his mouth gaze unfocused. not everything.)#natural soup
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i have decided to listen to Volatile Times album as my next foray into IAMX and. i can tell. a: im gonna love this, & b: im gonna have to be REAL careful to not tank my mental health with this dlkjfsldfkj
#speculation nation#im very susceptible to absorbing moods of the things i engage with#im still just on 'music people' but i know the song 'volatile times' and they are Both pretty dark#GOD music people is so fucking good. holy fucking Shit man.#i just need to not listen to Too much IAMX at one time or else i might just push myself into a very harmful state of mind.#oooooooh god and it's speeding up. holy fuckin shit lmfao this is such a good song#im gonna have a GREAT time with this album
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:(
#cell screams#//TMI rant incoming dont read if u dont wanna read abt the woes of having a god forsaken uterus#//but ouuuugh the fucking cramps it huuuurts whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy#//stupid fuckin period and its stupid fuckin cramps#//and those stupid bleeding nullifying meds I have to take giving me said stupid cramps#//i feel like someone just took a sledgehammer to my abdomen this shit is awful#//literally just trying to grind out the hr loot drops and im having to afk mid fight bc I keep either vomitting or keeling over#//and the pain meds arENT DOING SHIT WHATS THE POINT OF ADVERTISING URSELF AS A CRAMP ALLEVIATOR IF U DONT WORK#//sighing heavily and wishing chip and misty were real. I need to just be wrapped in a blanket and held this shit hurts so bad#//bc u know with the inner mechanisms doin their thing those two would be warm#//oh to be wrapped in a blankie and held in the strong arms of a warm pretty 9 foot tall gentle giant robot#//or a warm pretty 6 foot tall robot whose also very gentle and very gender and. okay im getting side tracked#//can they just both somehow hold me at the exact same time thanks.#//curls up into a ball. dies.
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Hey Sleepy I know about Otto but what about Caroline? I've seen u tag oc tag stuff as Caroline. Who are they?
Thats Carolina ^_^ let me talk about her miserable life under the cut. Its under a cut cuz uhhhhh sensitive topics below. Also long as hell
Carolina is my fallout oc/sona/its complicated. We'll say shes an oc cuz shes only really a sona when im playin the games and when thats happening the pronouns are they/them but since its just me playing the they/themming is only in the head.
Shes in 3/nv/4 and dear god she goes through so much trauma. Shes a mute chick w huge anger issues who tries not to show it by constantly being @_@ about life. She had a tumor in her throat when she was 1 yr old, which if it wasnt removed would have traveled to her brain, if it didnt close off her ability to breathe first. She had to have surgery to have it removed, taking her vocal cords in the process.
She has a huge love for repairing tech such as computers and bots, and when she was in the vault she dreamed of being the person to maintain the water chip. But as you know f3 story she never got the chance, only ever being a pipboy repairmen (which she did enjoy but due to how isolated she was she wanted water chip job more so she could be more important and liked). She has an incredible memory too ✌.
Cuz of her mutism she had like almost no friends aside from amata + a few adults, only furthering her @_@ ing and not showing her emotions. This leads to FURTHER isolating cuz everyone just thinks shes weird. She struggles a lot w her self image due to this isolation and kids pickin on her for being mute + tall, leading to struggles w anorexia. Throughout the 10 yrs old f3 to f4 she tries to recover from this, but cuz the apocalyptic world is harsh she doesnt get well off at first, becoming an alcoholic alongside it, due to in f4 shes brainwashed/reprogrammed (cyborg from nv dlc) into believing shes a 200 yr old mom searching for her son. Not only brainwashed but had surgery to look like the original nora. This only worsens her self image problems when she realizes the truth. The reason shes brainwashed is cuz Father believes shes incredible, and due to her work in washington/vegas, believing she should take his place. Originally he thought she was a true vault dweller, having no radiation. By the time he found out she wasnt, it was too late. But he persisted anyway, still considering her determination and the charisma she would gain from nora to make her an excellent leader.
When she realizes shes actually NOT nora, and that they gave her a dead womans voice, thoughts, face, this leads to her almost going over the deep end, for a moment considering horrible things from making her anorexia worse for a sense of control to simply finding a hole to die in. But in the end she decides instead to combine her personality w noras, since nora is now stuck inside her. Nora is a "program" of sorts, existing in the cybernetic part of carolinas brain. She was scanned from the original noras head, who died during the capturing of shawn. Due to her being a corpse there were a lot of memories gone, so a lot was filled in or simply left blank. Shes a ghost of herself but she doesnt wanna die again, so she stays alive through carolina, the two becoming a new one. Carolina is now more vulnerable, with new thoughts, but in a way she finds a peace in it, feeling less lonely even if the company isnt entirely true. They ofc arent totally harmonious, at times being completely separate mentally, but they over time find this to be a good thing, always seeing things in a new way, coming up with better ways to solve things. Her only other constant company is f3 dogmeat, who stays by her side ever since they met. But that changes when she has to take care of shawn, who believes shes his bio mother. Now she has more company with him involved.
Originally carolina doesnt wanna take care of him, being very traumatized by what happened w Father, but in the end he wins her over, so they travel together. Ofc carolina tells shawn the truth, that shes not his mom. But he in the end decides it doesnt matter, that shes really cool and he wants her to be his mom. With this relief, she changes her face back as much as she can, and removes noras voice from her. Because of their new relationship, carolina opens up more, having a healthier lifestyle to set a good example, and making promises to not be as reckless in battle, cuz he worries about her :(. Over time she starts expressing herself more, still ofc sometimes @_@ but thats cuz she has apocalyptic autism and Is Just Like That. But overall she learns to laugh and actually be happy cuz she has someone to love again, and this time she doesnt let ppl step over her. As she recovers and loves, she gains more weight and becomes fat and strong ^-^ leading to her passion of engineering being more easy due to having more energy.... Not to mention the flustering attention she gets cuz shes a beefy woman in the apocalypse.
Tldr: i take yer gruff depressed middle aged man w daughter and raise you: gruff depressed middle aged woman w son. + cute doggy :)
#theres a lot more like her losing a foot to a bear trap and being cut open so many times without her permission#this girl is covered in scars. both surgical and battle wise#and the first time she cried being in lonesome road cuz she sees so much of herself in ulysses she knew she would die#and how she used to bury everyone she killed in f3 cuz she was raised Old Fashioned on how to treat the dead#but she stopped when her dad died cuz she started killing so many enclave she couldnt bury em all. and kinda didnt wanna.#and dont get me started on dr li and her being in both f3 and f4#and how her meeting 'nora' parallels her meeting carolina and how she Senses who she is but doesnt have proof#and thus sends nora to search for carolina‚ believing carolina to be dead but is so scared she might be alive#and how dr li didnt have a great opinion of carolina but knows if what her gut is telling her is true. is something no one deserves.#and how shes the cause for nora realizing shes carolina and how this further complicates their relationship#amd how she tries to ease this fuckin Mess by giving her resources to learn sign language so she can talk to her w/o pen and paper#and how it leads to them finally being somewhat friends and dr li being the only person carolina trusts in the institute#and how that leads to her making dr li the director so carolina can leave cuz she now fucking hates boston#and also her taking care of dogmeat when he was caged in the institute to hide him from nora. he was so so scared and she was like#holy fuck dogmeats here. that could mean shes alive. guess i gotta make sure you dont die buddy or else thatll ruin her.#and her using him to be sure that nora is carolina. and when hes so so happy to see nora when he was so shy w dr li. thats how she knew.#but she needed proof. so off nora goes#*froths a bit at the mouth thinking about dr li and nora and carolina*#the reason i chose otto instead of her for the oc poll was cuz uh. dear god theres too much to tell for her.#also dont get me started on her relationship w ulysses. the parallels... and Opposites....#ulysses being a man who always speaks. always has words. carolina being a woman who has so lil words. who refuses to speak.#the two being so full of burning rage only the other can understand. being so strong and not knowing how to be strong.#isolating themselves and committing themselves to the service of their own personal duties until they just fall over and die#both dreaming of a home that had died long ago#*pounds fists on floor*#ive been considering making a comic about her but i have Not had the time or skill yet to do it. maybe one day 💭#anyway ive been writing this answer for hours. if theres something else to be said ill just hashtag reblog and say more#also i think shes technically my oldest oc. at least the oldest thats still around. shes def older than otto thats for sure#been working on her for.... jeez. 10 yrs.
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#warning you know this is a bit of a vent so do not ye go any further if you dont wanna see bad vibes lmao#anyway. my father is an absolute bastard of a man. emotionally neglected my mother. was an absent father. and very nearly-#killed us both towards the very end lmao. just a horrible guy who hides behind his charisma and has never processed an emotion once#instead likes to emotionally neglect and gaslit people instead of idk... going to therapy instead of retreating to church lmao#anyway its been around three years since I've seen him irl and im very happy about that. i never want to hear from him again#but he snagged some foreign young woman whos nearly my age and yeah. its disgusting but not surprising#theyre having a kid apparently and the only reason i know is cause my mom told me. but i really need to have a talk with her and its going-#to suck#i need to talk to her about never bringing him or her up around me ever again and this boundary is a hard one im gonna have to establish#cause shes still so scared of him and cant help following his every move. but im gonna have to pin her down and play therapist and ARRGGHH#I GOTTA PLAY THERAPISTTTT WHY WAS I CURSED TO BE AN ONLY DAUGHTER. WHOS ONLY FAMILY IS THEIR MOTHER#THEREFORE IM THE ONLY ONE CLOSEST AND KNOWS OF THE SHIT SHES GOING THROUGH AKA I GOTTA FUCKIN BEAT IT INTO HER#im gonna-- HELP GIRL#strange lore to drop but god imagine almost being killed by your dad and surviving by pure luck. cringe moment#i cannot imagine if i left this life and my blog wouldve been stuck in 2017... imagine dying as a marvel blog SKSKSKSKS#anyway. this life man.
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